Fathers

If my father were alive, he would call me aside and say, "Daniel, you wrote a piece on Mothers. Don't you think you should write one on Fathers?" What he wouldn't say would be, "My Dear Son, I think Fathers should have equal time. So, go do it!" First, he wasn't that affectionate, nor was he prone to give ultimatums. Fathers do come in all sizes and shapes. And no two are alike.

However, there are some attributes that fathers ought to be measured by. But what are they if fathers come in all sizes and shapes? A good question. Oh, we could go to manuals or great literature and no doubt come up with some fine attributes of what makes fathers great (or at least good). And we could find attributes that ought not be emulated by reading the newspapers or watching TV.

Now, if my father were alive, he'd probably mutter, "Daniel (he never called me Dan or Danny), I don't think what you've written so far is really what I meant." I'd respond, "Dad, you're a great critic, and I appreciate your concern. But please wait until my column is finished. OK?" Yes, he'd wait. And I'd keep on writing.

Fathers, like mothers, are a great contribution to society. However, the role of husband/father varies from country to country, religion to religion, and yes, from man to man. If the male culture stresses the macho man at the expense of women, the fatherly role would be affected. If the religious or cultural dimension demeans the position of women, the role of fatherhood often diminishes.

In a culture of relaxed sexual mores (code of right and wrong), sex too often becomes commonplace, an acceptable although dubious practice among boys and girls, men and women.
This has helped create the phenomenon of single parenting and in many instances the father is missing even though he fathered a child -- or children. This of course is augmented by artificial insemination when a father figure is unnecessary or absent. Then there are those of both sexes who are promiscuous, gambling that fatherhood would not occur.

Having sketched a rather gloomy picture for fathering and fatherhood, let's turn our attention to a more ideal, lasting, worthy portrayal. Being a father ideally follows, rather than precedes, marriage. Marriage, in the traditional sense, involves two persons, male and female, who pledge themselves to each other in a ceremonially sanctioned union. This involves both rights and privileges. When a child is born, the bride and groom become mother and father as they enter parenthood.

Granted, there are exceptions, but generally this is the rule which is quite ancient: Honor your mother and your father. Being a father is an honorable estate worthy of being recognized not only by society but its laws and regulations. When parenting occurs, is it usually welcomed but not always. Irresponsible or absentee fathers hardly deserve to be honored on Father's Day (or on any other day). But when a husband and a wife bring a little one into their embrace and domicile, the world rejoices.

A good father establishes a home where children can increase in wisdom and stature. A decent father loves the child's mother and cherishes his children, sacrificing his own ambition for their welfare. A wise father celebrates fatherhood by providing for the well-being of his family and a worthy father is not embarrassed when Father's Day rolls around. Finally, a discerning father takes time to train up a child in the way he or she should go, providing a moral and spiritual compass which will aid them on their journey through life.

A potential senior moment fails me in remembering how I honored my father on Father's Day over the passing years. Consequently, I won't be able to imagine what my Dad might say about what happened on those ensuing Father's Days much less about this column.

But I do know that as a wee lad on vacation, I had wandered off and was heading for a treacherous bluff of Niagara Falls. Instead of yelling, which no doubt would have prompted me to move precipitously, he calmly said, "We're going now, Daniel." I retraced my steps. Fathers can also be lifesavers—in many ways. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY