I'm My Own Grandpa

I just read in the AARP magazine that there are 24,000,000 grandparents in the USA who have various responsibilities for their grandchildren. This of course is an incredible number. The American family has taken on various dimensions over the years ranging from the extended family to single parenthood, often by choice rather than necessity. In between we find the nuclear family (mom, dad and the kids) and the splintered family (for the lack of a better expression). Among others.

We old timers remember the song I'm My Own Grandpa which revealed how complicated the family tree can get with divorce, remarriage, in laws and the like. We also remember nostalgic poetry portraying going to grandmother's house at Thanksgiving.

Speaking of grandparents. This can be a fascinating subject. If a couple married in their late teens and their children did likewise, they could be grandparents at forty. But if they married in their mid thirties and their children did the same, grandparenting could begin at seventy or so. Taking care of grandchildren therefore varies considerably from family to family. It is easier to imagine a grandparent/parent at fifty-five managing a rebellious teenager than a grandparent/parent at eighty doing the same. Yet it happens.

No wonder the new editor of AARP, Erik D. Olsen, wrote that grandparents providing the basic needs of grandchildren living with them need all the help they can get. And I plan to do everything I can to help AARP move forward in its efforts to ensure that older workers are recognized as the valuable resource they are . . . (AARP, May-June 2006, p.105).

This senior moment arrives when something goes awry and grandparents once again become parents. We say this couldn't happen to us but if not, it will happen to someone nearby even if we are not actually a part of that 24,000,000 (yes, million) crowd. In the era of the extended family, this was handled, not so much by the courts but by the family. In our society today, the courts are often involved, and in some instances, grandparents actually adopt their grandchildren.

Single parenting, promiscuity, incompatibilities, irresponsibility, estrangement, incapacitation, death, divorce, remarriage, loss of employment, spousal abuse, debt, bankruptcy, drugs and alcohol plus a host of other probable causes impacts all levels of living with subsequent pressure on stable grandparents. It affects the rich and poor, religious and irreligious, literate and illiterate.

But you say this couldn't possibly happen to me. Maybe. Maybe not. Some grandparents cringe at the possibility while others welcome it, considering the alternative. Some are well-prepared, emotionally and financially while others are ill-prepared. Some are too old to cope while others are too young (emotionally and otherwise). Maybe you are not your own grandpa (or grandma) and your family, ancestors and descendants are intact. If so, be thankful, and while you're at it, why not give a helping hand to a relative, friend or neighbor who has had this awesome kind of a senior moment?

Whether a blessing in disguise or a dreaded invasion of declining years, parenting for parents who are either remiss or incapable, or both, is a challenge as well as an opportunity. If it comes your way, weigh the pros and cons before saying yes or no. The lives you could save may be worth their weight in gold.