Parenting Revisited

This reflection is being written between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day on a Nobody’s Day. Guess we need those days to celebrate too I suppose. If women today are bemoaning the outcome of the so-called women’s liberation movement of days gone by, even perhaps if their work isn’t fully accomplished, the results are quite obvious. And maybe viewed with mixed emotions.

We realize there are more women in higher education, not more than ever, but more than men. We are seeing traditionally male positions in society now filled by men even to the role of women in military combat, CEOs, news commentators (many with advanced degrees) and the like. The Catholic church has struggled with priests and matrimony and the elevated role of nuns. The Protestant church struggled for years before women in various roles were accepted, ordained or commissioned in various roles of leadership. In my own denomination, we have moved since the year 2000 from 76 credentialed women to 445 constituting 24% of our active ministerium.

With more women now in graduate school than ever and with shrinking spots avoided by males, we are beginning to visualize the impact it will have on our culture. Not that women are incapable but that men are noticeably absenting themselves. We are also aware that women are marrying later, having children in fewer numbers, and aborting with more ease than ever. Unfortunately, when the motivation strives primarily on equality between sexes, the ensuing rivalry can also be counter-productive, visibly or otherwise.

Back to Mothers’ and Fathers’ Days and their origins. Perhaps one of the key motivating factors is the fear that mothers and fathers will be forgotten, neglected, underestimated or even maligned. What a pity that would be even though we see signs of it happening. It is a wholesome sign when mothers are remembered tangibly with flowers, candy or a gourmet meal, either at home or in a fine restaurant. Same with fathers. When spouses, families and society ignore or dumb down this marvelous, God-created male/female relationship, it should not be forgotten, underestimated or undermined.

Mothers’ Days and Fathers’ Days should be vivid reminders of the wonders of a family with a mother and a father with loved, disciplined and effectively trained offspring (or preferred, children), the sight is something to behold. And perpetuate. Those two holidays would do well to also be two holy days, holy in the sense of noble, not sanctimonious. Religion can be most helpful but unfortunately it is not always that beneficial.

How can this be achieved? It can be both dignified and made honorable by adult children showing deep appreciation to their parentage. Or, if a good parentage was missing, to still be appreciative. And when the children are young, they should be taught respect and hopefully shown parental love in many tangible ways. In other words, good parenting is an ongoing phenomenon and whatever can be done to encourage this is more than welcome.

One final note about parenting. No one style, set of rules or instructions, fits every situation. But every attempt should be made to accommodate good parenting. If both parents can still be good if not great parents with other distractions (careers, extracurricular activities, distractions, ambitions), more power to them. If not, adjustments can and should be made lest their children become mere offspring, fending for themselves, searching for missing love or attention, yearning for greener pastures or making excessive demands or noise (trouble).