The Silver Rule

Most of us know the proverbial Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Of course there are those who doctor it up a bit: Do unto others before they do unto you. This is sort of a pre-revenge tactic, getting even before things get uneven. Not too smart.

Now, what is the Silver Rule? Actually, this is made for this column. It goes like this: Do not let others take advantage of you. But isn't this the converse to turning your other cheek? Not really. This is not revenge or retaliation or even a reprimand. What it does is soften or even erase a senior moment that is virtually inescapable.

And what is that? It is that disappointing, unsuspecting moment that occurs when you've been dealt an injustice. Seniors are often unwilling or incapable of redressing (rectifying) a wrong. We tend to shrug it off: Why make an issue of it? What can I do about it anyway? It's not worth the effort. It won't do any good anyhow. What chance does one person have against a corporation?

Actually there are some injustices not worth bothering with. But many are. Recently I read about a woman who complained to the Flight Attendant on her journey that the person seated next to her was so obese that she was miserable. She asked the Attendant to find her another seat but Coach was full. She offered to pay the difference to sit in Business or First Class but there was no room. So she was crushed the entire flight. Eventually, after going through several channels, she found a sympathetic ear and was compensated for her misery.

Of course the airline was in a predicament as well, not knowing in advance the size of their customers, and possibly not under any obligation because the plane was full. But her persistence paid off as she kept shall we say pestering the company. This is merely an example of the kind of predicament which can cause distressing senior (and junior) moments.

Kimberly Palmer, writing for the U.S. News and World Report (February 11, 2008) on "The Art of Complaining" mentioned two books: Gotcha Capitalism: How Hidden Fees Rip You Off Everyday—and What You Can Do About It  by Bob Sullivan, and another by Linda Babcock, coauthor of Ask for It: How Women Can Use Their Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want (would apply to men too I suppose).

There is an art to complaining. Usually a soft answer turns away wrath and we would be wise to be firm, gentle, not demanding or unreasonable, and persistent among other virtues. This goes much further than ranting, screaming, blaming, insulting and being unreasonable. Seniors ought to know this but may have a tendency to forget the art of complaining. This art also implies reaching out for assistance: getting sound advice, knowing rights and privileges, and being sure that the cause is just also enters the equation.

Injustices occur, accidentally as well as deliberately. Some are not worth fighting; others are. There are we're told many errors made by banks, hospitals, credit card companies, reservation bureaus and countless other enterprises and persons. Check and double check is excellent advice. Kimberly even said that between 1990 and 2006, over 90,000 Social Security recipients were underpaid a total of $120.4 million—some by as much as $25,000. See? Seniors are affected.

I went to a new barber today (mine is incapacitated at the moment). He gave me the wrong change, then excused himself so see if he had any $5 bills. When he returned he gave me the change again plus five $1 bills. I politely told him he had short-changed himself and returned the bills. He was a bit embarrassed but I felt good about not pocketing the money. Yes, mistakes, plenty of them, are made, innocently and otherwise. Seniors, bless their hearts, are often generous, forgiving and uncomplaining. But there are times when it is an injustice not to complain.

Yet the complaint should not be merely an assault or an obnoxious charge but a work of art, the Silver Rule.